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20131202
20131210
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Search Results 0 to 10 of about 11 (some duplicates have been removed)
Comedy Central
Dec 6, 2013 1:30am PST
strike across hundreds of cities in the united states, so we dive right in and read some viewer mail. >> folks, got a big file right here. our first letter tonight comes to us on actual paper. dear stephen, which power is better, flight or invisibility? i am asking for a friend. sincerely, stephen colbert, but not you. that's nice, steven, i recognize my own handwriting. okay, let's settle this one, for once and all, obviously flight and invisibility have big pros and cons. flight, problematic because i am scared of heights, but so is invisibility, because i am scared of people not noticing me. so that's a tie. one point each. now let's talk the economics of the situation. the most recent superman grossed $291 million at the box office but the "lord of the rings" grossed 377 million. clearly, the market says invisibility, not to mention, the invisible hand of the market is invisible. double win for invisibility, two invisible thumbs up. >> now, as long -- [ cheers and applause ] >> stephen: people love the invisibility. as long as we are talking super man, folks, with flight, you cou
Comedy Central
Dec 5, 2013 7:00pm PST
floating city than a boat. it would carry up to 50,000 full-time residents. unclear how taxes would work for people there but they said it will not be registered in the united states. so uncle sam would not be able to get to people on that boat. >> stephen: that's right, the freedom ship with all the slick design of an unfinished parking garage. and everything the stateless billionaire tycoon needs to feel at home. banks, casinos, and a 1.7 million square foot international shopping mall. imagine, an enormous mall you never have to leave because you can't. it's up to you, another orange julius or a watery grave. and as for accommodations, freedom ship offers the ultimate in high net worth real estate. for as little as 9.1 million you can reserve a water view ultimate apex room boasting such luxury amenities as carpets, lights, and finished walls. what? finished walls! that's like the hot tub of blocking wind. (laughter) freedom ship is also for your freedom children who will receive the finest schooling that underpaid fill pynno deck hands can provide. as part of a world standard sy
Comedy Central
Dec 10, 2013 9:30am PST
beard and tried begging in new york city. >> you ready to freeload? >> stephen: nothing says objective journalism like, are you ready to freeload? (laughter) and that day, folk, johns to el learned what we already knew, when people look at him, they're filled with pitty. (laughter) jim. >> i hit the street and started begs. >> you can help me, ma'am. people gave me money. they gave me money when my cardboard sign said homeless and cold. >> i just begged for an hour but i did well. if i did this for an eight hour day i would have made 90 bucks, 23,000 for a year. tax-free. >> 11 bucks an hour. i mean make it rain! while, of course, praying that it doesn't rain. nows to el knows we must resist our natural urge to help these big fat fakers. >> are you suggesting that the people who are begging for money on the streets, we should not give them money? >> yes. and it's not i who am suggesting that, the people who work with the homeless say don't give them money. it's a bad thing. are you an enabler, are you enabling their alcohol or their drug habit. far better, if you really think
Comedy Central
Dec 6, 2013 7:00pm PST
fair right here in new york city. >> stephen: in support of that you are introducing a new 50th anniversary. >> absolutely. >> stephen: of -- there is the 20 -- this is the 2015 mustang. uh wow. [ applause ] >> stephen: my question is, though you still know it is 2013, right? and yet we are looking at the 2015 mustang. >> yes. >> stephen: i assume you have come here to tell me about it in the 2028 ford time machine. does it have a jet pack? >> that is the future. that is the future, yes. >> stephen: we should hope so. >> absolutely. >> stephen: now, speaking of cars of the future, you guys, let's talk about cars of the past and car companies of the past. >> yes. >> stephen: because back in the old auto bailout you are the only zero company that didn't take a bailout. >> right. >> stephen: gm and chrysler had to be bailed out. what is it about ford and one of the reasons i like you guys is that you are capitalists unlike those bolsheviks over at gm and chrysler. comrade! what do you think of those guys sucking on the government teat? >> isn't it better for them to be whipped out
Search Results 0 to 10 of about 11 (some duplicates have been removed)